Socialization: Age Peers and Intellectual Peers

This is an iffy topic for me.  I could really come off like a snob, but those of you who know me, realize that I really am earnest in these thoughts. 



Tulip fields with BFF Ally - 2009

I've always had good friends, but finding friends hasn't been all that easy. I'm considered outgoing and friendly and I have had many many acquaintances in my life.  Facebook reports 189 Friends on my Profile, the list including friends from grade school, junior high, high school, work friends, relatives and lots of mommy-club friends. There are a couple handfuls of "friends" that I have met only once, but have formed an intellectual connection with: those I admire for thier thoughts, activism or ideals.  I don't mind sharing my intimate thoughts with these people because I feel like they get me.

It took this past year of research and discovery, a journey of diagnoses and pain, to realize that there really is something to this concept of "gifted" and there are neurological differences that effect social and emotional development, that these differences must be recognized and handled in a different way.

Looking back, I realize that I spent most of my working career surrounded by smart people.  I worked for lawyers and then moved into information technology and capped off my professional career working for a billionaire genius who, of course, surrounded himself with smart people.  I took all that for granted.

I have come to appreciate the concept of Intellectual Peers and Age Peers.  While my T-Man is only 8.5, he is intellectually more of a 12 year old, his interests and humor and thoughts on the world are all more mature than a typical kid of his age.  I remember when he was 4 he wanted to hang out with the 8 and 10 year olds in the neighborhood.  In public school he had to deal with age peers that one day he would be "best friends" and the next day they aren't friends anymore. For my emotionally intense sensitive boy, this was devastating.  He just didn't understand them.

Now that we are on the Great Homeschool Adventure, socialization is almost totally within our control.  It's like when you have a toddler and find a playgroup or schedule playdates and you get to choose the kind of kids your kids (and you!) do well around.  It's not completely in control - you still have typical interactions with the public and new people.  It's almost like an office social environment: the usual players, understanding what your co-workers are like, who you can depend on for what you need, etc.  And for a gifted kid who likes routine and predictability, it is ideal.  Now the challenge is to find other kids near his age that have similar interests and intellect.

BFFs Tylan & Brayden - 2009

I think it's important to actively seek out intellectual peers and to put energy into the care and feeding of relationships that have potential for such a deep connection and understanding.  I hadn't realized how good I had it up in Seattle with all my smarty mommies and co-workers until I moved to Los Angeles and had such difficulty establishing friendships in its massive and diverse socio-economic landscape.  Nearly three years later, T and PJ have only a couple of friends that they connect with on a deeper level and that are available to be with us on a regular basis. 

I have been spending time seeking out friends for us. I've spent many hours on the GHF yahoo group and found a couple of matches.  I've even created a Meetup group in an attempt to draw out more families like us.  (If you aren't careful with "The G Word" you may get the hairy eyeball, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.)  It feels like a constant effort that is well worth it when you see the smiles on your child's face, when you get to have stimulating mommy conversation and enjoy full belly laughs, with people who get it.