My Little Blond & Blue...gifted Intensities

My dear friend Claudia requested to hear more about little PJ.  Well, to begin with, he is super cute.  I don't mean just his appearance - granted he does have twinkly blue eyes, a dimple when he smiles and soft, luscious blond hair.  I've been told more than once that he's a "mini Brad Pitt."  He's not just cute outside, but inside as well - funny and playful and sweet as can be.

Proudly displaying Minecraft pick axe (note his attire)

I was told just a few weeks ago that PJ has a gift.  This enlightening comment came from an Indian woman who was enjoying the hotel pool in Las Vegas.  She was in her mid-fifties with kind eyes and a nice smile.  She sat in the shallow end of the pool, tossing the small water ball back and forth between PJ and another lady.  When I approached her to thank her for playing with my gregarious little son, she smiled and laughed and told me something like this: 


"Your son has a gift.  I know this because he reminds me so much of my daughter.  He came to me and my sister and asked if we would play with him.  I explained to him that I am here to relax, that I did not want to play.  He wouldn't take no for an answer.  He directed me and my sister on where to sit and began to toss the ball back and forth.  To be able to convince people to do what you want them to do, that is the gift.  My daughter is just 22 and has just bought her first home.  This is a gift, and you should be very proud."

Well, that is a gift for sure.  It's just that when I say "No" to him, you'd think I'd just whipped the kid.  Woah, Nelly - watch out!  We spend a lot of time working through the "no and why" but to see this kid have a tantrum, you'd think him the most spoiled child on earth!

In Kindergarten, PJ decided that he didn't like any of his clothes.  The tags itch him, the waist is too tight, the arms are too tight, the pockets too scratchy.  The shoes are too tight, too scratchy, too whatever.  This boy wore the same loose pants and shirt and Target brand girls faux-fur lined boots for about 4 months.  He now favors a pair of Gap cut-off sweat shorts and Crocs.  He hasn't worn socks or underwear in a year.  He is naked at every opportunity.

He has what the gifted community call "intensities."

Kazimierz Dabrowski ( (1902-1980) coined the phrase "Overexcitability" to describe the intensity, sensitivity and tendency toward emotional extremes in the gifted population.  PJ has what he would call Sensual and Emotional Overexcitabilities (2 of the 5 he has defined).  An overexcitability is described as that "which is a great capacity to be stimulated by and respond to external and internal stimuli.  Overexcitability permeates a gifted person's existence.  Whether it's music, language, physical sensing, kinesthetic activity, imagination, or something intellectual, an overexcitability orients and focuses them.  Overexcitability gives energy to their intelligence and talents.  It shapes their personality development.  Like a plant turns toward light, overexcitability draws out a gifted person's thoughts and behaviors.  An overexcitability is a temperamental disposition toward a class of stimuli that the gifted person notices and responds to.  It is a lens that opens, widens and deepens their perspective." ("Living with Intensity" by Daniels and Piechowski) 

I call it a royal pain in the butt. 

PJ and new Berkeley college friends at the park

We do our best to work around these intensities and try not to make them a big deal. Each day we talk about our emotions, think on our options on how we could best respond, etc.  We have given up on fighting for clothing while at home, so don't be surprised to find a naked boy playing Legos on the living room floor.  But if we have a fit about getting clothed for an outing, it is possible that we will not be leaving the house (this is a most effective tactic! :)  Most often, he consents to some item of clothing, though in the end, he may look a little like a beggar.

Regardless of the issues, my little one's gift serves him well.  He is always finding new friends to play with, where ever we go.  He is a happy, charismatic child and loved by all. 

I did mention in my previous blog that my children were not simple or easy. This is part of that.  I am waiting patiently to see how these overexcitabilities play into little PJ's talent. In the meantime, we take one moment at a time, one day at a time...